Quest for a Queen 2
Welcome to Dragon Valley! The crown prince is looking for a queen (in a gender-neutral sense)!
Here we have the Imperial Palace of Fertility, built specially for the purpose.
O how beautiful, the imperial phallic symbols and the challenge eggs!
The grand fertility chamber!
The free will chambers of fun!
The other fertility chamber (of fun)... That's the palace, let us begin!
Let's begin, with autonomous socializing in a roped off section!
Troy: Listen, your majesty, don't fall for the spells of some of these other hoes. You need to follow your heart! That genetically engineered heart set up to love someone like me.
Nana: errrrrrngngngngth *error*
Troy: My spell worked. Brujeria, bitch.
Petunia: It is a DISGRACE to see a being such as yourself even being considered to be the queen of such a respectable people!
Clothilde: Oh shit, are you here to try to kill me again?
Petunia: I must maintain the HONOR of our NATION!
Clothilde: It's funny seeing you without the bag you wear on your head! You're uglier than I imagined.
Petunia: That is my great shame. The producers made me take it off. It brings shame upon my family.
Clothilde: Yeah! ...... but that's fucked up.
Pretty much everyone is getting attraction hearts with Nana... and with each other... This is a good time to mention that I'm using Woohooer and jealousy is turned off for all romance and woohoo.
Troy: I'm so happy to be here, Nana. I constitute the entire financial backing of your fanclub!
Keenan: *pretty eyes look*
Gettout: I don't need a prince, I want that specimen of a woman over there...
Troy: I'm so honored that you keep talking to me, your majesty!
Nana: *yawn*
Troy:
Keenan: Time's up, Troy, it's Havensex time!
Gettout: Omgomgomg she's looking over here act natural
Troy: Waitwhat, you're not yawning, you're miming something... with me. That's right, Nana, it's all yours.
Keenan: What? But look at my face!
Troy: He's kind of pathetic, really.
Nana:
Troy: And I didn't want to make this a class thing, but remember that there is a class thing and I'm the rich one.
Nana:
Annihilation: Stay away from Clothilde or I'll pull off your green dick!
Gettout: Say, milady, you're so beautiful that I must... keep my front side out of view of everyone here...
Clothilde: Gettout, you're so alarmingly hideous that I can't look, either. I don't really care, though; ***hearts***
Cumin: I love to cook, your majesty. I can cook more than just lizard, too! I make a delicious rooster! I call it Cumin's Cock!
Nana: :} **FERtility language Response ACTivateD**
Keenan: What are you doing to get him to pay attention to you??
Troy: **can't see the poor**
Petunia: Your most righteous and handsome princeliness, might I conveyeth to thee minest deepest gratitudestnesses to thee for including humble me entwithin thineth competitioneth.
Nana: :D **diplOMACY resPONse actIvaTed**
Keenan: I can't handle rich people speak.
Troy: Me neither tbh.
Gettout: I--eeehhh,unng GNGnngngng
Clothilde: You couldn't save it for the bed??!?
Annihilation: You're a Havensex, aren't you?? I've fought alongside many of your kin on the bloody battlefield!
Keenan: Cool, I hope you killed some of them.
Annihilation: Not a family man, then? They've all been on my side, but once I did use one's bones as arrows when a Bridgeport savage killed him and stole my quiver!
Clothilde: Hey, Cumin Mepapi...
Cumin: Huh?
Clothilde: You heard me.
Cumin: Well first off, it's pronounced "Q-min".
Cumin: I get you now... wanna know a secret? I'm not wearing underwear under these lizardskinnerish pants!
Keenan: Twink! You're flirting with the wrong Sim!!!
Keenan: Hey, even though I'm poor, I'm still a Sim! A handsome, brave, attractive Sim!
Troy: ??? the wind??? Is it the air conditioning I feel?
Annihilation: I'm so glad to finally get to chat with you! One day, you'll be my sole superior!
Nana: **thinking of marrying 4 Sims**
Cumin: BOOOO, I'M GONNA WIN THE PRINCE!
Cumin: BOOO PETUNIA!! A SLUT'S GOTTA WIN THIS COMPETITION, IT'S 2019!! BOOOO!
Troy: Keenan, I do see you. You're just fun to fuck with.
Keenan: FINALLY! Thank God!
Troy: **hearts**
Keenan: **hearts**
Troy: Wait, what did I say?? I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to a sentient garbage can!
Time for the first night meal! Which was the only one, as I later realized there's nothing in the rules banning need cheats. This is a bachelor challenge, not an asylum.
They managed to epicly fail at giving me a nice dinner pic, whatever! Free will time!!!
Nana: ........a8s873rjler---- HOUSE.
Clothilde: You said someth- house, yes, your majesty!
Troy: I'm tired of this imbecile, let me out of here please...
Petunia: I can't let that skank get close to the prince!!!
Gettout: Wheeeeeeeee...
Cumin: So this is TV from my homeland! We don't wear clothes there.
Petunia: I see... I suppose I can watch it as a sort of cultural study...
Keenan: Oh, I want a piece of this...
Keenan: Finally, someone as big as me in the media!!! I love getting representation!
Petunia: That is NOT why we're watching this!!!
Keenan: That dick so artistic, I wanna use it as a paintbrush!
Petunia: By PLUMBBOB, such LANGUAGE!
Gettout: You behave like you were born yesterday! Are you still drinking your mom's milk??? You have the intellect of an infant!
Nana: **ANGER resPONSE!!**
Gettout: That's right, go ahead and cry, child!
Elevator shenanigans!!!!
Troy: Someone take me back to Berlin, I can't stand these idiots.
Nana: **watching erotic Lizardskinner Land drama by himself**
Cumin: WHEEE!
Troy: This reminds me of a performance we gave at the Kit Kat Club... roller blades, actual blades, and lots of lube...
Clothilde: Aww, you don't hate me anymore?
Petunia: I came to throw you to the floor, slut!
Troy: It's been so long since I've danced with a white twink!
Cumin: I don't know what that means.
Troy: Are you depressed and on xanax like all the ones I knew back in Portland?
*please come to the author directly if u have a problem with this joke, know that the irl twinks in question would respond with "lmao, truuuue"*
Nana: ELIMINATION. MUST ELIMINATE.
Gettout: I'm a beautiful forest spirit, gliding through the roots and moss!
Petunia: I hope a red skank goes home today.
Clothilde: A skank? Which skank? And who are you talking to?
Petunia: Oh, no one, I was just making a general statement....
Everyone: FEED US!!!!
Me: **makes needs static**
**also only included these photos to show off my ridiculous underwear decisions for these Sims**
***EXCESSIVE CAMERA ANGLES***
***FOCUS FOR SEVERAL MINUTES ON HOST THAT DOESN'T SPEAK***
Gettout: Is he going to say anything?
Annihilation: Probably not, but we should still be polite.
***extended silence***
Clothilde: Petunia, your robe is ugly.
Petunia: Thank you.
Nana: CLOTHILDE. ANNIHILATION. YOU ARE TOP TWO.
Clothilde: Fuck, he spoke.
Annihilation: Sounds good to me!
Nana: GO, PREPARE FOR HOT TUB DATE.
Keenan: How do you feel, Troy, about how you're about to go home?
Troy: Is there some kind of audible insect that has crawled in here?
Nana: GETTOUT, CUMIN! BOTTOM TWO!
Cumin: Wait, what?
Gettout: Finally. I really must return to my research, I regret this all.
Cumin: I can't go home, I want to be the queen!
Keenan: Shaved pits, too? Hot.
Nana: CUMIN STAY!
Cumin: Oh, Nana! Thank you!!!
((In addition to making a fun moment, I liked the concept of giving the bottom person a little boost (the flower giving) to keep us all on our toes!))
Nana: GETTOUT, GET OUT!
Gettout: Ok, but where do I even go? This property is completely fenced off from the world.
Petunia: Oh, will there be an execution? How thrilling!
Nana: TO DUNGEON.
Gettout: I can't go back to me swamp?
DOWN HE GOES!
DAY TWO! HOT TUBS!
I fucked up and didn't realize the big tub has a capacity of 6, but here we go regardless...
Race for the tub in 3, 2, 1--
OFF THEY GO! And off go the clothes, because of the tone of this challenge!! I was going to censor, but my Sims have barbie skin.
And all make it in but poor Cumin.
Cumin: Fuck.
Cumin: I'm fucked, but at least I'm comfortable!
CHAT DATE TIME!
Nana has found it in him to give a few words to each contestant!
Nana: CAN YOU MAKE ME PIE?
Petunia: I can make you pie AND ratatouille, your majesty! I'm the perfect housewife, I was born to suffer!
Cumin: So I missed skinny dipping with you, but we can get naked here, too, if you'd like!
Nana:
Nana: YOU ARE BIRD???
Keenan: Prince Nana, I am a Sim.
Nana: **understanding, agreeable response**
Clothilde: I've been waiting to be alone with you forever, your majesty. So are we doing this, or what?
Nana: CAN YOU MAKE ME PIE?
Clothilde: areyoufuckingkiddingme
Clothilde: Maybe not, but you should try a bite of these waaarm, soft, mooiiiist coooookies, your majesty...
Nana: YOU CAN DO LIKE THIS?
Troy: How's this, your princeliness?
Nana: **LIKE**
Annihilation's date took place as well, of course, but I forgot to take pics loloops
**DRAMATIC STAGING**
scroll up for the music if you want lol
Nana: 1101010101kdjf.fjzkdkjej555rrrr... what are we doing here again?? .........
Petunia: We've been here for two hours, your most beautiful majesty. Would you like to start the ceremony?
Nana: PETUNIA, ANNIHILATION, TOP TWO! GO AWAY.
Clothilde: Fuck!
Petunia: THANK you, your majesty! I LOVE YOU, and eagerly await the morning when we can hang the bloodied sheets of our consummation night for all of the kingdom to see!
Annihilation: She's hardcore in her own way.
Nana: CUMIN, KEENAN, BOTTOM TWO.
Keenan: Wait, whaaat?
Cumin: If I have to go into the dungeon with that ogre I might DIE!
Nana: :DDD
Keenan: YES! Thank you, your majesty!
TO THE DUNGEON WITH CUMIN!
Cumin: You can't take away my inner queen! Not that I'm not a masculine icon!
DAY 3 HOT TUBBIN'!
Clothilde: Why did we have to come out here this time?
It's more dramatic!
Annihilation: Who said that???
3.... 2... 1... GO!!!!!
Keenan: Oh, pardon me, Clothilde.
Annihilation: Oh, Clothilde, nice to see you!
Clothilde: I'm gonna beat you, Petunia, at this beautiful, leisurely pace... hi, Annihilation.
Troy: I just... I can't even "can't".
Clothilde: Why hello, Prince Nana!
Keenan: Excuse me...
Annihilation: Pardon me, ye Sims.
Troy: Why can't I walk in this fucking door?????
And into the (small) tub go Clothilde, Petunia, and Keenan!
Troy: Did I grow more hair by getting naked???
Petunia: **is done**
I left free will on, but they're locked in the room, so if this is Petunia's choice, then so be it...
But Nana follows her!!!
Petunia: Though ye may be a prince, I did NOT want to see that before, or even after marriage!!
Nana: **angryshock!!**
Petunia: And yet... it is so big and princely it its own sense, your majesty!!!
Nana: **masculine desire for big dick energy fulfilled**
And Nana gets back in the tub! Thank you! This is hot tub time, not Petunia time. Until it is:
***boring chess dates in which they all barely say anything, even with double the time in the rules***
Clothilde: A wise prince once told me..... "House."
Nana: ............
Nana: NANA WIN.
Troy: I don't think that's how it works... but you said something! **personpersonplus**
........
.....
.....
Keenan: So are we gonna just sit around and look at his bulge all day, or...?
Troy: I'm down.
Annihilation: Same.
Nana: LET US COMMENCE WITH FLIRTS.
Clothilde: Thank Plumbbob.
Nana: I LIKE ANNIHILATION.
Annihilation: Aww, thanks, stud!
Nana: I WANT TO RIDE CLOTHILDE LIKE A BIKE!
Clothilde: That's exactly what I'd hoped you'd say, your majesty!
Nana: TROY AND NANA ARE LIKE STACKED BOOKS.
Troy: What the, I can't do thi- thanks, Prince!
Nana: I WANT TO TAKE BATH WITH KEENAN.
Keenan: That's a fantasy I once posted about on the internet!
Nana: YOU HAVE NO SKILLS OR PERSONALITY LIKE CLOUD.
Petunia: Why, Prince Nana, that's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me!! MY REPUTATION IS FLAWLESS! I'VE DONE IT!!!
Nana: ANNIHILATION, CLOTHILDE: TOP TWO.
Annihilation: THAT'S right, BABY!
Clothilde: Back where I belong, heh heh heh.
Petunia: My over the top classic feminine honorable behavior compels me to say... con...gr...atu...... ugh, I'll just smile.
Nana: BOTTOM TWO: KEENAN, PETUNIA.
Petunia: Oh dear.
Troy: Sorry, dude.
Keenan: Who said that?
Troy: Very funny.
Nana: PETUNIA YES!
Petunia: **screams into flowers** YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!
Keenan: Aww...
Down Keenan goes!!!
Cumin: Finally, someone else!!! I've been free will chatting with this guy all day and we still are just acquaintances, he's so DULL!
Gettout: I can hear you.
The true love story here! Or at least the first true story of autonomous sluttiness, here. I'm gonna cut it off here and post the rest in another post, see you!!!
THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN TO THIS MANDATORY PROGRAM. IF YOU DID NOT LIKE IT, CHANGE YOUR OPINION. IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBERS, OR NEIGHBORS WHO DID NOT WATCH IT, PLEASE REPORT THEM TO THE ROYAL GUARD FOR IMMEDIATE LOSS OF LIFE.
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