Quest for a Queen 1

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

THE CROWN PRINCE OF THE KINGDOM OF DRAGON VALLEY NEEDS A QUEEN. 7 SIMS HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FOR HIM TO CHOOSE FROM, AND THE KINGDOM HAS CHOSEN TO TELEVISE HIS CHOOSING PROCESS, SO AS TO PAY FOR A NEW WAR WITH PLEASANTVIEW WITH THE AD REVENUE.

MEET THE PRINCE:

Nana Knowles

Nana Knowles is the crown prince to the Kingdom of Dragon Valley. He is the result of dozens of generations of efforts to create a genetically perfect Sim. His name comes from an effort by the Kingdom to reach into the real life world to find the most perfect human beings; he was named Nana for whom they found to be the most beautiful human, Kim Nana of Orange Caramel, and given the surname Knowles for the extremely powerful Queen Beyoncé of Earth. Everything about him was designed by (conniving) nobles who make up the kingdom's council for perfect royal genetics. He is genetically engineered to be supremely attractive to all who look upon him, to be perfect in the realm of diplomacy, and to be a perfect ruler in general. He wants a queen (male or female) who will satisfy the overwhelming sexual needs he has been engineered to have (so as to have as many children as possible who will fight each other for the heirship and tear the kingdom apart, allowing the nobles to grasp power). He was born a young adult.

Traits: Absent-Minded, Flirty, Social Butterfly, Great Kisser, Irresistible. LTW: Heartbreaker

MEET THE CONTESTANTS:

Clothilde Deflower

Clothilde Deflower is alleged to be a witch who gains her power from Woohoo. As she has only been seen to Woohoo everyone, but not use this alleged power, she has not been approached by the authorities for this. She was selected for Nana's bachelor challenge as she has the most followed Simstagram, Simmer, and Fansimsonly in Dragon Valley. It is said that she wishes to win the competition to release a sex tape with the king with an embedded spell that grants her total mind control over all who see it (so, the entire digitized population of Dragon Valley).

Traits: Great Kisser, Dramatic, Unstable, Irresistible, Dislikes Children. LTW: Master Romancer

Petunia Close

Miss Petunia Close is the oldest daughter of the honorable Close family. She was chosen for a chance to marry the Prince because she is currently the leader of the Dragon Valley's Most Pure and Honorable Virgin list, which is kept with minute-to-minute detail by the Judgmental Mothers for Patriarchy in Dragon Valley. Though seemingly meek and mild as a mouse, Petunia has worked her entire life to build her reputation as the most divine prude in town, mostly by tearing down the other blushing virgins in town, with the help of her brothers, who can have as much sex as they like and remain honorable. Petunia has been found to have too good of a reputation to have committed 4 separate murders, and was found innocent and clearly justified in the murder of a man who made eye contact with her in a supermarket. If she wins the competition, she will begin a new reign of patriarchal terror over Dragon Valley, doing all in her power to enforce the death penalty for crimes such as premarital woohoo, premarital flirting, or premarital knowing someone of the opposite sex/someone who you might flirt with at all even once.

Traits: Disciplined, Perceptive, Never Nude, Proper, Snob. LTW: Martial Arts Master

Annihilation Bloodsprinkle

Annihilation Bloodsprinkle is the warrior with the most confirmed kills in Dragon Valley. She is known for her signature move, the blood shower, in which she uses her spiked ball and chain to rip apart Sims as she sends them flying high into the air, showering all those around with blood and various internal organs. Towards the beginning of her career, she would wear a single finger bone around her neck from each enemy she killed, but that quickly became way too many small bones to reasonably carry around, so she now instead puts one diamond on her glasses per 100 confirmed kills. Outside of the battlefield, Annihilation is an expert on basketweaving practices of the previous millenia, picking up extra money on lecture tours. She is also the public face of the Simanitarian Pet Society, and is a strict vegan. If she becomes queen, she would love to lead the armies of Dragon Valley into a bloody conquest of the entire universe.

Traits: Brave, Rebellious, Daredevil, Vegetarian, Athletic. LTW: Become an Astronaut

Gettout Meswamp

Dr. Gettout Meswamp holds PhD's in ancient history, theology, and kinesthesiology. He is a professor of all of these fields as well as drama and veterinary sciences at Dragon Valley University. He has been published over one hundred times, and is a regular correspondent on Dragon Valley News Now, the state-run (and sole) news media of Dragon Valley. His house is overrun with kittens, and he would love for you to get out of his swamp, except for his office hours, which are from 1 to 2 on Monday and Wednesday.

Traits: Workaholic, Night Owl, Genius, Nurturing, Mean Spirited. LTW: Renaissance Sim

Cumin Mepapi

Cumin Mepapi comes from a distant realm under control of Dragon Valley, the Lizardskinner Land. He was chosen for the competition as he has skinned the most lizards in his entire nation, making him the most sought-after Sim there. Members of his society choose their first names in adulthood, once they've had a chance to find who they really are. He chose "Cumin," as he loves to cook lizards with the eponymous spice. In Lizardskinnerish, his surname, "Mepapi," means "cum in me papi." If he wins the competition, he wishes to throw frequent lavish royal dinner parties in the dress code of the Lizardskinnerish: 95% nude.

Traits: Dramatic, Natural Cook, Party Animal, Kleptomaniac, Lucky. LTW: Celebrated Five-Star Chef

Troy Wood

Solomon A. Jackson, who goes by the stage name of Troy Wood, was born in Port Angeles, Washington, in 1994. At age 7, his family moved to Lake Oswego, Oregon, so that his mother could establish an occupational therapy clinic with her friend from college. In his junior year at Lake Oswego Senior High School, he went to the Jimmy Awards (the national high school musical theater awards) in New York for his portrayal of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof. He graduated top of his class at age 17, and spent a year at the University of California, Los Angeles before moving to Berlin to live with his online girlfriend and boyfriend (a married couple) at age 18. In Berlin, he worked as an exotic dancer at the Kit Kat Club for two years, before suddenly disappearing from the real world and appearing in Dragon Valley. Not to be thrown off by this odd sequence of events, he established a brothel and quickly became one of the kingdom's wealthiest Sims (if he can be called a Sim). Troy bought into the competition. He wants Nana so as to establish a stronger foothold in the political world of Dragon Valley, so that he may one day control the realm himself.

Traits: Star Quality, Eco-Friendly, Artistic, Ambitious, Born Salesman. LTW: Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous

Keenan Havensex

Keenan Havensex comes from the widely-known Havensex family, a peasant family largely responsible for Dragon Valley's recent population boom. He is the only contestant here to have already won a competition: a reality television program pitted Keenan against 87 of his siblings and cousins to see who was most deserving to have a shot at marrying the Nana. Fun facts about Keenan are that he does triathlons, he has a puppy named Cantstop, and that he has been excommunicated for having an amorally large penis. His biggest fans are his parents, Lovetoby and Pleasletsbe. If he wins the competition, he hopes to imprison his siblings which were mean to him in childhood.

Traits: Loves To Swim, Brave, Star Quality, Irresistible, Easily Impressed. LTW: Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous

NANA'S QUEST FOR A QUEEN WILL PREMIERE WHEN THE ROYAL SIRENS TELL YOU THEY WILL. VIEWING THE PROGRAM IS MANDATORY, AND THE ROYAL GUARD WILL BE ON DUTY ARRESTING THOSE WHO CHOOSE NOT TO DO SO.